Taking a Bite of the Green Apple (tm)
“It’s white and shiny, and I can’t resist” where the last words slung down the vacant hallways of my mind seconds before I purchased my new Apple ™ laptop. The bandwagon slowed as it passed, and I boarded with gusto. It was, as some might say, part of my new transformation.
This past Monday, I received my new computer-superstar in the mail. It was a day of joy, a day of unfathomable boners and grins. I sized it up, tentatively ran my fingers down its sleek dorsum. I licked my lips, hungry for its milky whiteness. I strapped a saddle on it and took it for a ride. “Ye-haw,” I screamed, as it bucked underneath me.
Though I’m not often impressed by novel things that twinkle and things of atavistic shape, I found the feature I was most drawn to by Steve-o Jobs & Co. was the mind-numbingly basic photo booth application. Using green-screen technology and simple image distortion, you can transport yourself directly to the crater-ridden moon or even take a trip into the unsure territory of a heady psychedelic mindfuck.
Here are some of my gold-star examples:
Lauren and I in enjoying a rather Parisian moment
Lauren and I “hanging out” with Kathryn in LA
Lauren fixes her hair, the moon shines outside
After hours of toying with essentially the three features the application has to offer, I determined that such a toy is indeed fun for the whole family. But I didn’t have a family, and I was drinking heavily. I thought, “This is not enough. Give me fireworks.” I went to the medicine cabinet for some cold medicine. My enthusiasm issued no warning, instead it indicated only that things were going to get strange — real, real strange. Tonight I was an ogre, and I had a bridge to guard.
Staring at my little fun-box, I took a long quaff of my barley-and-hops mixture. I chased it with a measuring cup full of Nyquil, letting the green toxin slide down my palette. I snorted, wrenched in distaste. I cleared my throat with some beer. And suddenly the smell of mint was in the air. Everything slowed, and the last beacon of light – the sheer clarity my mind had once offered — dimmed into the evening. It was going to be a long, strange trip and I could only hope that the green fairy would light my way.
