Canada, Eh?
I’ve finally uploaded the photos from the Boghoggler’s trip abroad to Canucksville. What did we discover during our adventures? Well, for one, the Boghogglers love a good cup of Canadian coffee. And they love pushing Canadians down the stairs and yelling, “America rules!”
So, briefly, here’s what we go into:
Stop 1: Ventriloquist Seminar
Coincidentally, Jeremy found a ventriloquist dummy that looked similar to me. He, of course, couldn’t resist. With his hand working its jaw, he put on a little show for us.
Jeremy: What are you thinking Mr. Bumples?
Dummy: Jeremy is the greatest!
Jeremy: And what else?
Dummy: Jeremy is the greatest!
Audience: (uproarious laughter)
Stop 2: Zombie Theme Park
Walking along the “haunted dock” the rather realistic theme park had spring-loaded zombies leap up unannounced. Unfortunately, the admittance staff mistook a zombie for a tourist and let the walking-dead enter the theme park, who then proceeded to eat visitors’ brains. The Boghogglers escaped through the fire exit without incident.
Stop 3: Man in Bear Costume
Considering the black bear has been extinct in Canada ever since the rampant fur trade of the 1960’s, Canada’s Department of Tourist Affairs runs a program that hires humans to dress in bear costumes to authenticate visitors’ experiences. This guy’s name was Jim and he’s a construction worker during the week. He likes spicy salsa and a good frosty-top beer. He told us that the bear costume was hot and miserable, but worth it considering he’s trying to get his little one braces.
Stop 4: Vancouver Wax Museum
The wax museum embodied all of Canada in 12,000 square feet. The curators positioned your “everyday people” (really wax statues) in and around scenic vistas, notable natural structures, historic Canadian buildings — from Newfoundland to British Columbia. The installment pictured here was entitled, “Americans Visit Vancouver.” It was, indubitably, one of those moments when art imitates life.
Stop 5: Lunch at a Scenic Vista
Though the view was “darling” and “picturesque,” I had had enough with the all the greens and blues, the mountains and harbors. Exhausted and hungry, the Boghogglers all agreed you could get this stuff on the Discovery channel back home. At least the barbecue chips were good. And the snackpack pudding was to die for.
The Bottom Line
Vancouver’s one of those cities you should visit if you enjoy culture, cleanliness, friendly people, and natural things. Sure, it’s going to be the home of the 2010 winter Olympics, but Atlanta once hosted the Olympics, and that city is way better. It’s got murder and 2-hour commutes, man-made water shortages and unnecessary excess. And though it can’t boast scenic vistas, the highways always look beautiful when you’re ripping down them doing 85 in your Blazer.
It was good visiting my mom, though. But, the bottom line is that Vancouver just doesn’t have that much to offer. Although, I did pick up an awesome shirt that has emblazoned across the back “Canada: We’re North.”
3 years ago