Robots and Monkeys, In No Particular Order
According to Breitbart.com, new robotic exoskeletons could bring about an era where super soldiers battle enemy super soldiers in feats of technological strength. When I read this headline a week ago, I thought only “Ho-hum.” I’ve been hearing this robot static for years now, and I still have yet to encounter a robot I couldn’t disarm with a simple kick to the battery pack or a deft unplugging of its power source. Come on, newsies — bring me something startling.
Then, while sipping my India Monsooned Coffee (compliments of the trendy coffee shop just down the street), I came across this headline on CNN: “Monkeys Control Robots with their Minds.”
While rather non-plussed about Breitbart’s alarmist headlines, CNN got me thinking: What if monkeys and robots teamed up to create an unstoppable super force. This combination of technology and prehensile tails, circuits and charm, cold-hard steel and banana knowhow trumps all other pairings. My best advice: start stocking up on those yellow curvy fruits now. You’re going to need them as bargaining chips when it comes down to the great war to end all wars.
In other news: Naomi Campbell charged with luggage rage. If only we had a monkey-robot to stop her. If only there were more headlines about robots we wouldn’t have to read this other trash.
